Ask him his views on polygamy. There will be no stopping to it until woman become wise and make decisions with their brain and not their heart. As long as they get their ticket to the West it’s their dream come true. It’s the nature of the beast there. And I have fell in love with him so much…he says that he has fallen in love with me also…we started out talking as friends/pen pals so to speak…I would ask him about his country,family,friends,did he work or go to college…we would talk about his friends and things they did together and what he was going to college for n ect…and he would ask me those kind of things also…I told him about some of my health issues and he would want to know all about it,how it affected me n my activities. If they get such an offer for internship or job they are allowed to work on OPT status for 1 year and i think it can be extended for some time (i didnt do that so don’t know details). I met this Pakistani guy at work. Pakistani men are known for their caring personality and sweet words, so don’t fall in love to them easily without using your logic. Talking to this guy through text messaging actually made me feel UNCOMFORTABLE. Many are trying to get out of that country BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY, come hook or crook or chicanery. Women are getting bamboozled every day, every where on the planet. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. This piece of scam bag treated me on the worst way I can imagine: she told me, I have to prepare to burrie my husband, and I better to start to organise my sons funeral!- so there is no way I ever accept this situation. Hopefully you will continue to be guided the right way.Maybe Princess will take your story to heart and leave her Pakistani guy alone. They DON’T believe in taking care of another man’s children. The moment that really opened my eyes was that even when I tell him it’s over he still didn’t choose me. We made plans to meet in Dubai versus me going to Pakistan. I live in Kentucky and have a 3 year old whose father is deceased. Now mind u I am not advocating this but I can sure tell u the thought crossed my mind a few times when i was going through that hell.Thanks G.D I am of sound mind and would never harm a fly much less a person but Yeah! If you go there, they, very well, may welcome you with open arms and treat you like royalty. @Ana, savage reply to lily, I love it! So my guess is this guy has been rejected by a few Indian women. And i can say everything that’s written here is impeccably true. For him, life is not about you. On the other hand, it could go the other way and he’ll begins to pretend to love you and live the way you two were living before he got the papers. The woman has to take responsibility for the part she plays in all of it as well. ?Are you for real the dude just messaged you and you thinking about packing your bags to fly a good part of the world to go visit this third world country Pakistan ? Hello, I am glad I found this thread.I am from Eastern Europe and I have a generic slavic name, which, I guess, most people would assume as russian. They watch you and than learn from you. So over the next week, we manage to talk and text here and there. I will respectfully agree and disagree with you. A person should become Muslim because she believes in the faith and wants to serve Allah. About bigamy, I’ve only seen people prosecuted for it on “Life Time” movies on TV. Don’t concern yourself about your post being long. I understand your rationale for not marrying the father of your child. Children, for instance, are not supposed to curse their parents, abuse them, yell at them, mistreat them, throw them into nursing homes and never talk to them again and things of that nature. As far as your husband it’s a fact he used you for a greencard but as long as he don’t divorce u then I would say let it go but if your cowife is acting all a fool and u think he is going to try to divorce you then try your best to get him on Polygamy charges if u can but more than that because u might have lost that battle but do everything u can not to let your cowife or her brothers get to UK otherwise she wins and u have been used as nothing more than a stepping stone for them. What others do with it is on them. I had no idea the practice of Pakistani men using foreign women is prevalent in South Africa. This DOESN’T bother you at all? I forgot where i read this comment about an Indian Muslim who came to US for PhD, dropped out of PhD, been working in US for many years but don’t have green card. I’d send her this link but hopefully shes already reading it like I was. Everything is working against you. You’ve got that right. He’s no different. The sad part is they know what is planned for them and they are willing and ready to acquiesce. In Tiana situation she unless she hires an attorney I honestly think she has to be smart and play by her husbands rules until she can get her child back.In the meantime she needs to save money so she can hire an attorney and if she thinks she can’t win then she has no choice but to deal her husband or let him have the child. Not fair to stick one awful label onto the entire gender of a specific community. If you were to stay with him, he very well may make you a secret wife. There will always be a smile on his face … Everything checked out in terms of his passport ID, they checked his criminal record, checked him for fraud, for government blacklists for the US, and the invitation letter was found to be legit, etc. But nobody want to do.I tried in UK, Austria and Hungary to translate to any of this languages as I speak all…. You asked what you could expect if you expose him to his family. There are bad apples in all of them too. I do not beleive anything he says. It’s a matter of where do you go from here. Don’t let him put his crap on you and say it’s your fault. @Lily, read a few other comments if you need. Most of those people want out of there. We don’t know definitively whether he was trying to use you for a Green Card or not. Yet you’re still drawn to him in love/lust. I’m married to an American revert. I am protected financially. In the U.S, I know men can’t MAKE women do much of anything. Thanks for your comments. Insha Allah, I’ll find it and will let you know where her post is. They marry their own. If they fire you the you are legally require to leave the country so he is looking for ways to secure his future here which he failed to do through his employer getting him a green card. There are very nice, upstanding people of all nationalities. Love does not conquer all. Simple! You apparently are one of the fortunate ones. Has he been married before? I will not communicate with anyone is in his family. The foreign women are so naïve, so we warn them. Really they dont have a right to say no?! I’m really confused by his motivation. They in every corner of Africa. I never asked for sainthood, simply respect of the efforts I put forth and no Pakistani drama by MIL. I really should of been more on the ball so to speak but he was a very convincing liar and I stupidly fell for his crap,I just want more access to my boy or joint custody preferably and a quick divorce from this nssty con artist. He knows this very well, which is why he is afraid that I will not let him see the child. Insha Allah, I’ll move your posts there. That’s why I say that it is all falsehood. You certainly are not alone in the situation that you’ve described. Finding genuine intention of your Pakistani man to marry you is very important especially if you are a citizen or hold Permanent Resident of developed countries such as USA, Australia, Europe and many more. Don’t let him put a guilt trip on you. I’m in the same situation. No. They talk trash, and the women believe all that they say. They want thing to go their way. Lol (I’m sure it is for non white Muslims! He said that he was told that it could be related to the upcoming religious holidays. I don’t see how you could find any happiness in a situation based on lies and deceit, not knowing whether what comes out of his mouth is truth or lie. 10. I’m a firm believer of “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”, I accept your apology; although there was no need for you to apologize. I don’t know why they call themselves Muslim. He contacted me out of the blue on Facebook. You see in that you ending the relationship, it didn’t make him say that he’d leave her and only be with you. The way I see it, there’s nothing left but for him to kick you to the curb and move on with the life that he truly wants. Men are supposed to maintain and protect women, not use and abuse them. He isn’t doing anything outstanding in his job. a computer engineer cannot start driving a taxi, start a business or work at a random job unrelated to his/her degree). I am commenting on Pakistani men as that’s where my problems stem from.its not ISLAM it the Pakistani culture. Welcome! They just need someone from the west to get them there. I finished my studies and i was planning to go back . I would suggest u not to talk to her brother he only means evil against u sorry to say.He is fishing for any info he can find out and he is doing this because his mother has put him up to it understand?Watch your back I am being serious.Don’t let any of them near u.I am sorry if I come across as harsh but unless u want to be poisoned or worse do not trust or let them near u is my sincere advice. Alhumdulliah! They do evil, commit mischief, deal in conjecture and lie etc. Where is your dignity? Especially if you’re in a western country (or even a country better off than Pakistan). Now i am happily engaged with my boyfriend (BTW i am a non muslim) and love has come to me and i am thankful that i have already moved on with this Pak guy.I am sharing my story as i would like to give strength to those who are in the midst of calvary and hurting because of loving a Pak guy, do not use your hearts please use your head instead. Anyhow, my advice will avail you naught, if it’s not God’s Will that you not go through with your plans. Ana, I hope you can post my previous comment where its relevant. I am currently married too,and have an 18 month old son with a pakistani man I met at work 4 years ago in the UK.He was so into me in the beginning,telling me how beautiful I was and made me feel like I was his “one”,his “life partner”,it’s only been since he got his temporary visa to stay here that his behaviour changed,he has been abusive both physically and emotionally,and I feel that he has nothing but contempt and disgust towards me as I am not pakistani or a Muslim,he got wot he wanted and now I’m left thinking how long is it gonna be before he does a runner and the truth will come out if wot im suspecting is true…I have had meny respond to doubt him and his true motives,i just can’t “prove” anything,i am at my wit’s end as to wot I should do,he says he loves me but his actions don’t match his words,i just wish i knew of a way to find out wot his real intentions are and if he is lying to me and conning me then I will definitely dump his sorry ass and he wont be seeing our son ever again! Some want to marry foreign women for personal gain. I guess I’m safe in that I’ve been hit on by them continuously at university but never seen one that was hot. Foreign woman when they meet Pakistani men believe everything they say because well we r brought up to think if someone cares about u they will not lie to u or try to hurt u.It is a foreign concept to us alot of things like for example in USA u r only aloud to have one spouse so it would not enter a woman’s mind that he might already be married with children.In USA divorce is common so again if a man says he is divorced same thing no need to question that.In USA if someone says they r divorced 99.9% they r really divorced and this is where we get into trouble because we r naive and think the rest of the world is like us which we learn the hard way thats just not the case. Come on, Helen, they won’t respect you. You’ve really got it tough if the police, and social worker won’t listen to you about suspecting your ex is sexually attracted to children. What pisses me off is that this is STILL happening to this day. I married a Christian man, but I married into a Muslim family. I’ve grown over the years and snapped out of that LOL. How many has he spoken to before you and what if he continues to. Now we are married and living happily and one of my wife stupid friend posted this article to creat trouble . Bull friggin crap, I’d take the backseat for some selfish ingrates. My advice to you is go get the best lawyer/attorney that you can afford – THE BEST. This is because Muslims are not supposed to be dating (at least not like non-Muslims do. I got over that anxiety by now, and it made me think. There are a lot of things going against you and your religious beliefs are part it. I told him that we didn’t even know each other, that he didn’t know me and he said that we could get to know each other and see where it goes. He told me that the reason he get married in Pakistan is because I am afraid to go to their place in Sialkot. Maybe Ana repost it. He also got all of his friends to lie to me about their jobs. Anyway, I’m over it. It was cultural. If the guy you’re communicating with is Pakistani, I’m assuming that he is “Muslim”. Here is a link to the article that ummof4 referred to: 5 Important Things to Know about Pakistani Men. I am gonna end my life tonight anyway so muffin u say matters. A white woman travelling alone in Pakistan is not safe. Some of them are too hairy for my liking. Mari2 is the bread winner and brains behind him other than his coniving mother. i.e a Car, a Villa, a better life etc. I get what you’re saying about labeling an entire gender. Welcome to our cyberspace abode. Last time, I looked there were warnings against traveling there. Those men are some sly little devils. There is no charge – only a charge for bigamy. Sometimes no news is good news. He also talked about KILLING FIVE MORE PEOPLE. You say he loves you and you love him. It went the other way around too; I took some guys through changes LOL. What can you do? Please help me…I am with a Pakistani man and yes i love him and we’ve been together over a year. When you have a fight or issue with them mostly. In other words, it’s all a scam. You don’t sound unreasonable to me. Your agenda wasn’t the same as some. I’d love to visit London. It’s just words. Then, you need to consider that I do sleep sometimes, although not much lol. Practically. The first time we chatted it was hi, how are you, etc. We got married because there was no other way . These men used to get whatever they want and they are always right. Do u know if he is still in your country or has taken the child to Pakistan?Does your child have a passport?If the child doesn’t have a passport does it take both parents or only one to get the child a passport?Does your husband have the child’s birth certificate?Have u been to Pakistan to your husbands family home?Have u reached out to your husbands parents and family to see if they can help u in this family matter?Have u tried to reach out to your husband in a calm manner to try to calm him down so that u can manipulate the situation to get your child back and get your husband to drop the charges against u(if that is even possible).If u can’t talk some sense into your husband then u have to find someone to listen to u and why u think your husband is a child abuser.U must fight for your child and not give up!You are among friends here and we are here to support you welcome to the group. Look the bottom line is he played u and is going to continue to play u if u let him. And she believes the crap. Can’t you get a woman’s organisation to help your case? It is the most talked about subject on here. It’s not what we’re doing here. I am not a person that would typically get into something like this or I didn’t think I was. After reading these type of articles he claims he knows a lot of Indo-Paki culture as he was active in Tabligh before he met me. Don’t let them take you for a ride. Same difference. Besides, with all that is going on in this country with immigration reform, it makes no sense to get mixed up with a foreigner right now. I had already searched some of his pics on Google and didn’t find anything and having seen him on video chat I knew he was the person in the pics. So, my question to you is why do you think the Pakistani man is any different from yourself. I am like the schoolgirl you refer to in this article. Perhaps she was being sarcastic and meant that it was “Rocket Science” and let’s see if you could figure it out. I’m sure there are good Pakistani men out there, but who has the time to weed between them when there are far more fishes in the sea. We are in 21st century and this should not be happening! If his family forced him to marry his cousin, then what is he doing with you? If you were to get into any sort of trouble how would you escape especially as you would not know how to get around. He hasn’t asked to come to USA yet. About the reverts and the Pakistani men, from what I’m learning, the Pakistani men don’t discriminate. Later after marriage I find out he has a wife and child already. Because trying to get a visa from the Pakistani embassy is such a Kafkaesque nightmare that even I left the building screaming, “I’m not doing this again!” after trying to arrange paperwork for my foreign husband and child. Plus, those men say that they are Muslim (Muslim in name only, probably). Only you know what you’re inclined to do. Girls usually get married in their early twenties — the average age for first marriage among women is 20.3. I don’t know why people aren’t getting that. If your husband is dependent on you to get him permanent papers, he may become more abusive towards you, if he thinks you’re planning to leave him. If there is a huge age difference how satisfied were you with the answers or reasons gave for accepting age difference. Why not say goodbye to you? So you have to figure out if you want to stay with him or not. Let some of that sink in before you declare you “love” him too much. It sounds like you are going to leave him alone. I now think with this kind of behaviour he probably already has a wife in Pakistan. The US embassy in Pakistan is quite wary of such arrangements,  especially when there is a disparity between the age of the man and the woman. I don’t like hearing of anyone getting taken or bamboozled. Do you really want to risk turning your life upside down and inside out for what you think is “love”. Just chalked it up as a life lesson and keep it moving. (I cant have anymore)Yes, I am living with him. It doesn’t seem like it now, but in time you probably won’t care as much about him after you meet someone else. Not his sister, not his brother, not cousin brother…no one. Look after yourself and do what you have to do to protect yourself from further being used. Well… that’s not how I am. My husband abused me for years,on and off,emotionally and physically and he caused me to react by sending him a TEXT telling him I wished he was dead and myself aswel,he told the police and the social I sent “threats to kill” which ultimately got me arrested and while I was in police custody he took my son from my trusted friend and applied to the family court for custody of our son.I have NOT been charged with threats to kill and I am now trying to prove my side of this nightmare to the courts to get even joint custody of my son but you see my soon to be EX husband is a very convincing liar and a narsacisst and he has a lot of family who have a lot of money to back him up in court.I am proberly stuffed as its already proving that most people on here are doubting my TRUTH so don’t be wondering why I am suicidal. The marriage registry came back clean but I knew that it would be too soon to verify that. I thank Allah much for the good ole U S of A. He doesn’t talk much about his sister and she’s not on his Facebook. You are laughing, talking, and having a great time. Ask him to introduce you to his mother and immediate family members and don’t wait too long for “a perfect time” to ask about this matter because the perfect time is “as fast as possible”. I think it’s a beautiful things I think it may not be that easy, however, to find a European woman who would want to leave her native land to go live in Pakistan. #12 - If you are not a Muslim and your Pakistani man is a Muslim. I’m glad you’ve got a good support system in your friends. And because i haven’t told my mom anything about him my mom is always asking me but i don’t want to open our relationship because i am smelling something not good with him, like his hiding something from me. Instead of admitting their fault, they will twist the scenario and make you as the villain and he is the victim, at this point you will feel bad for what you are and for what you do, although nothing wrong with you, and you do the right thing. Wearing Jeans or t-shirt doesn’t mean that this person is educated. If Princess Diana wasn’t good enough for one of them, what makes you think that you are? What part of Pakistan does he live in? Would he be abusive?? It’s probably just a part of who he is. I don’t want anyone telling me that he will give me what he wants me to have, when he wants me to have it and I have to be a slave to him. Women in the west were raised with Disney Princesses and the idea of a happily ever after sounds so good. When she questioned him, he bit her almost to death just to asking this…Around my area, I see loads of similar starting stories. He has to be eligible for marriage for that. I say all of this so you won’t get concerned when your comment disappears after you submit it, and there is no indication that I received it. 1. Seriously this man is not worth putting yourself or daughter at risk. As you said, I’m just trying to warn women. It ludicrous. 90% of them have those gross noses and leery eyes that always look thirsty for sex. The most contact I had with them was to notify Immigration when we got a conviction on a case of mine or arrested an illegal alien. I was a little bit baffled when she said she was in Saudi and married this Pakistani guy. There is nothing wrong with it, but there is something wrong when one uses deception, trickery and lies to get it from vulnerable women who are looking for romance, love and a family. So, if he cares about and loves his wife, he most likely won’t divorce her. There is no law on the books to charge anyone with. First of all, I advise you not to give him the time of the day. There are many cases in our community too when the women lived together with their Pakistani boyfriends for many years but these boyfriends ended up marrying a Pakistani women in Pakistan behind their back. If … Men from Pakistan and many Muddle Eastern countries can only visit the United States and many European countries once they are engaged to a woman in one of the countries. As to what to say to your family and everyone who has met him, I say tell the truth. She’s truly an amazing, awesome person. apparently as I came to know just a few months ago he made arrangements for marriage with someone else in India behind my back. It gives all a real-life glimpse of an inside look at the lifestyle. Some do, but on a whole many don’t. A few weeks after he left I received an email from his wife in the UK. Ana, you and I are not the same. As foreigner we always suggest to learn about Pakistani culture as much as you can first and after that re-think about it. #13 - If you can’t pregnant then Pakistani man ( maybe ) is not for you. Family AND their male friends will always be their TOP PRIORITY. Very to the point and spot on. She may have been toying with you. It’s bad enough that a woman knows polygamy is permissible in Islam and gets hit with it (her husband becoming polygamous). The woman who is considering him for a husband could expect to be in a polygamous marriage, if she marries him. Anyone who doesn’t believe in Allah, fear Allah, serve and worship Allah (is a Muslim/BELIEVER) do all kinds of things a believer wouldn’t do. He tells me it is to protect me and tells me that by the end of this year he will have sorted out everything and will be with me. Based on the ayah that I read: Surah 4, ayah 128. Your cowife is getting money out and her goal end goal is to send u packing.If Your husband is using u for a greencard then your cowife is also thinking that after he gets his greencard or citizenship he will divorce u and bring her to UK.My excowife tried everything in her power to get rid of me and I went through everything u are going through now.My excowife went along with the program to lie to me and keep their marriage hidden although my legally divorce her to marry me but kept her on the side for 8 yrs.When I found out what he did to me well u know well what went through my mind.I hated them both and I also wanted revenge and I did some pretty wild stuff myself to secure my then stepchildren now adopted children wouldn’t be taken from me not to mention I had a biological child with my Paki husband as well.It took me years to get to the point that I didn’t want to harm him to be honest.I felt betrayed,used,made a fool of etc.. And I would get physically ill knowing that everyone in his family was in on the lie and even the street people knew he used me for a greencard.I hated him more than I ever hated anyone so i totally get where u are coming from but believe me when I say there is nothing u can do to teach him a lesson because those people only see u as a whore to be taken advantage of.That is how the majority of Pakistani people see nonmuslim Europeans.They act very nice and sweet and can’t help u enough but even my own husband doesn’t want our kids marrying in the American culture.It runs very deep. Now this man is looking for other options to get green card. If he is in Riyadh who stays in his house in Pakistan. A sick culture of grooming your daughter to live a subservient life. My thought is that you have some resentment towards Aseiya and me for the advice that we gave you, although you don’t want to outright say it.